Minimalism is not an easy path to take when you’ve been raised to not only value material possessions but also attach your favourite memories to them. It can be a challenge to look at your belongings objectively, get rid of unused items, and control your impulse to buy all the pretty new clothes that come out every season. And it becomes even harder when you have a partner who doesn’t quite see eye-to-eye with you on the benefits of minimalism.
Ideally we’d all be in perfect relationships where both parties agree on everything and rarely argue, but of course, that’s rarely the case. The same can be said about minimalism: you might be a minimalist, but that doesn’t mean your partner is one or that they even want to live minimally. And that can be stressful on both partners. It’s as important to love the one you’re with as it is to find a way to respect each other’s preferred way of life. Here are a few ways to handle being a minimalist when your partner isn’t one.
Communicate
The most successful relationships centre around one common factor: communication. Everyone has a different reason behind their decision to become a minimalist. It could be to save money, to help with anxiety, or to embrace moments and experiences over possessions, but whatever your reason is, you need to be able to communicate it to your partner and help them understand why it’s so important to you.
Likewise, it’s important for your partner to explain why they hold on to certain things. You’ve probably trained yourself to let go of the attachment you feel with some items--but think back to when you first began your journey and how hard it was for you to part with things. That’s how your partner probably feels at the thought of getting rid of their possessions.
The act of justifying your decision to keep or throw out items is also a great way to reflect on your decision a little longer. Saying it out loud to your partner might make you realize you value an item more than you thought, or it might help your partner realize they really don’t have a valid reason to want to keep something they had initially thought was important to them.
Anytime you want to get rid of something you don’t consider of value, communicate this with your partner to be sure that they’re okay with you getting rid of it. Both parties need to feel as though they’re being heard, otherwise you’ll start to resent your partner for keeping everything or your partner will start to resent you for getting rid of the things that they value. Similarly, if your partner is a shopaholic who constantly brings home impulse-buys, ask them to communicate with you before they buy and the two of you can work out whether or not you really need the item.
Compromise
Naturally, communication will lead to a need to compromise. If you find you’re keeping everything so as to not hurt your partner, or if your partner feels like they’re getting rid of everything for you, one of you isn’t doing your part. Whichever party it is should make more of an effort to be more flexible.
As I work toward making our home waste-free, for example, there are certain compromises I have to make in my relationship—I let my boyfriend buy paper towel (which he’s convinced we need) and he lets me buy bamboo toilet paper, make our own household cleaners, and switch out plastic for glass or stainless steel. Even though it kills me to see a new roll of paper towel on the counter, I remind myself of the compromises he is making for me and that some sustainable changes are better than none.
If your partner absolutely feels that they need a certain item in the home, sometimes understanding the value that item has to them is more important that being the perfect minimalist.
Establish boundaries
Establish a sort of “safe space” for each of you where you don’t have to worry about the other’s lifestyle. It might be a corner of the bedroom where you can relax and be free of the clutter, and for your partner, it might be another room in the house where they can display the items they value without the worry that it will be too busy or overwhelming for you.
If they make a mess of the bedroom because they have so many clothes, designate an area (or chair or laundry bin) where they can throw them. This way they don’t feel completely restricted by your need for minimalism, but you don’t have to look at a giant, overwhelming mess of clothes every night.
Getting rid of valuable possessions, whether they’re clothes or other gifts or items, is never easy for anyone. Let alone for someone who hasn’t chosen minimalism for themselves. But with healthy communication and respect for one another’s preferences, you can make your minimalist–non-minimalist relationship thrive. And who knows—maybe your partner will start to appreciate living with less as your relationship strengthens.